It was time. Bundled myself up. Wrapped every exposed part of my skin to protect me. The biting wind would take me down in seconds if I wasn’t prepared. As I plunked myself down on the drivers car side I could feel the pain. I rapidly put my gear into reverse eager to leave my house and be on my way.
Once I’m on the open road with the snow freely falling down in its tiny created crystallized design I feel it. The hurt, the confusion. The pain I wish wasn’t there.
On this road to forgiveness I turn the music up louder. Belting out the words as if it’s the last time I will ever sing and let my emotions float slowly through my song. Feel the tears touch the surface of my eyes and than stop. Am I really going to do this again?
I look out the left of my window. Shaking my head because I’ve been down this road to many times before.
I wonder a de ja vou moment? Or is this becoming a regular pastime?
It’s true. You can’t change people.
But people will change you.
It’s true. We are all imperfect.
But some people don’t believe that.
We all have our differences of course because we were created. Uniquely designed just like each snowflake.
But treating another created individual with anger, pride, and resentment shouldn’t be.
In this moment driving down the open road. I want the snow to cleanse my soul. I don’t want to let a painful situation take me down the icy path that will steer me all over the course that I was created to follow.
There is kindness flowing from One. That allows me to breathe even when the cold whipping wind wants to hold me down in emotions.
When I want to bottle up my anger, my hurt, I let it go because of the One who loves me.
I have to.
Does forgiveness become easier with time?
No.
Does true forgiveness become less the more you forgive for the same mistake?
No.
Does forgiveness allow you to keep going back and loving more?
No.
I can not forgive without Christ’s Love.
That’s just the truth.
My mind can NOT be set free unless I give all my cares and worries and thoughts to the Lord, that is what makes forgiveness easier to handle. But I don’t think it will ever stop hurting.
“Forgiveness doesn’t excuse their behavior. Forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart.”
I can not go on this path on my strength alone.
The enemy’s attack is too strong.
To shuffle through acts of forgiveness, bitterness, resentment, anger, the enemy has a gripping effect on your mind.
You can’t possibly forgive and truly let things go unless you learn to Love.
Love in a way that is unconditional.
Love in a way that leaves no room for pride.
Love in a way that has your arms continually open to serve those around you.
Love in a way where your selfish desires are suffucated by love.
There is no easy way to go through it.
There is no direct answer to guide you except for love. Jesus’ love.
Many will watch and wonder why this woman is running out into the bitter cold the ice cutting her hands and she has her arms outstretched offering to others what they don’t deserve.
And it’s because she is like a child who mimics their mother because they want to be like her when they grow up.
The woman wants to love the same way she has been loved by Jesus.
And until you can start to truly live for Him and receive His love the cycle will continue to stir and grab you up in it.
And you will never be free.
Open your arms. Open your heart.
To the one who loves us when we do not deserve it. To the one who has an amazing life created for us. As long as we are willing to receive.
Acts 3:19 (MSG) Now it’s time to change your ways! Turn to face God so he can wipe away your sins, pour out showers of blessings to refresh you.”
Isaiah 1:18 (NIV) “Come now let us reason together,” says the Lord. ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow. Though they are red as crimson they shall be like wool.”
Is there someone in your life you need to forgive? What holds you back??
~ linda
…”like wool” “…white as snow.” I was accused wrongly because my dear mother had dementia and got confused. But one of two sisters chose to believe Mama and tormented me for over three years. God held me and taught me that forgiveness was His desire. Of course, I never blamed Mama. She had forgotten all about the accusation shortly. But the sister did not. Yet, years later, we can talk on a surface level. The relationship is surface at best, but we have a relationship. Had I given my ways over to satan, there would be none. I thank my God for showing me His way for me. You are right…it was NOT easy. It held pain. I felt insecure in my strength but strong in His. Praise Him.
And thank you for reminding me of the strength in which we are held.
Caring through Christ, ~ linda
bataviasbest
Thank you for sharing your story Linda. I love how you said I felt insecure in my strength but strong in his! I am glad to hear that their is a relationship between you and your sister. Praise God!
Michelle
How true! Forgiveness doesn’t excuse their behavior – it prevents their behavior from destroying our heart. Forgiveness is a gift God gives us, both in terms of forgiving us but also in allowing us to release someone’s offense to Him. Great reminder!