I’m 30 years old. I have a three year old and a one year old. I have been married for 6 years. I was with my husband for four years before we were married. So we are coming up on 10 years together…
Were we too young when we met?
It seems we are living the American Dream, but is the American Dream something not all of us want?
Why did you choose to get married?
We have a mix of married friends, single friends, and although I do not personally know of anyone my age getting a divorce,(sadly since I wrote this post a few months ago I now know someone my age) I know a lot of people who are my age, their parents are getting divorced.
But we are now hearing people our own age who are just wanting to give up. Playing with divorce in their fingers, getting a feel for it.
My husband has been working out of town a lot lately. This has been a fairly common thing for him with his job. Before we had kids it’s why I got a dog! Before kids I thought about temptations he may be faced with. But they just fluttered around my mind and quickly moved on.
With kids, sometimes you can feel a bit more self-conscious.
As you see so many celebrity couples cheating.
As you can find so many websites that allow you to cheat on your significant other.
As you leave the T.V. on and commercials play with girls who have a seductive way about them when all it is, is just some hair shampoo…. really?
Now that I have two girls I can’t believe how the idea of lust bombards you through commercials. Poisoning their little minds. I don’t even feel comfortable having The Chew on and the commercials that play. I see Riley instantly watching some model half dressed puckering up her lips.
When my husband works out of town they usually go out to eat or get a few beers and I have not worried about cheating.
But should I? I mean look at our society today…
If I ever start to worry, I pray.
I trust in God who loves us. I pray for my husband and any temptation that may be taunting him.
I overheard a couple guys in AppleBee’s talking about their wives. One of the guys is going on complaining about his marriage saying they have been married 5 years already. When the waitress comes over and asks if they are married one of the men’s responses is “It’s an open relationship… I guess.”
I noticed no ring on his hand.
The other man joked saying “As long as you don’t bring anything home, you’re good.”
Why did you get married?
Today’s society divorce is acceptable. Is this because we have just decided to give up? Are we so concerned with our own feelings, we forgot how to sacrifice our wants for the needs of our spouse?
If there is a surrender to take place a decision to give up it should be with our own desires or secret life. Marriage requires all of our being to surrender to each other, not just part of us while another part in a secret life. Life in the freedom of love requires all of our heart to surrender to Jesus so we can be one with Him. Our marriage needs that unity and surrender as well. Daily life needs daily forgiveness.
No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish. Luke 13:3
Through Jesus we can really love. Love defends the heart.
“If the homeowner had known what time the theif was coming, he would have stayed alert and not let the house be broken into.” Matthew 24:43
Do we have unfair expectations on our spouses?
Marriage requires a heart of courage and a head for preemptive action.
How many people want to not think about themselves? Look at Social Media, it’s insanely popular because EVERYONE wants to talk about themselves! Get in a marriage and try to always think about someone else….
So maybe marriage is just too much work.
It is…
Unless you take it to Jesus.
Think of spring. How much we enjoy looking at the flowers, the beautiful colors we see popping up all over.
How many of us see a beautiful garden and think, “Boy those are some strong root systems.” Yeah me either.
But if it wasn’t for their attachment to a main life source and nutrients, the blooms would never have a chance to exist or open.
“Jesus described our relationship with him as being like branches attached to a vine. We depend on him. We can do nothing without him. If real, authentic, unconditional love is ever to flow from us, we must experience it flowing through us from Christ.”
We must stay connected to the vine… Think about what happens to those flowers when they don’t.
John 15:5
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
This is why the love we have for our spouses can never reach its full flower until we are abiding in him through faith.
If you’re thinking about getting married, let me tell you, its work. It’s not easy. But its like all things in life, the hard work pays off, and it’s more rewarding and fulfilling than you can ever imagine.
I’m not divorcing my husband.
I am getting a divorce from this new acceptance of giving up when something doesn’t work anymore.
I’m committed to fixing something if it’s broke.
Are you?
Now, don’t get me wrong about divorce. Situations where someone is being harmed is different. Please do not think I’m saying if that is the case you should stay with that person.
Heck, I’m not telling you anything, just simply wondering why are so many people not staying married? 🙂
I pray for my daughter’s husbands a lot. Even more as I see my marriage change shape each year.
So today and forever let’s stand up for our spouses and marriage. Let’s understand how to make a marriage work and how to love like Jesus..
“Lord, keep us in your Love. Don’t let us stray from you and do what you need to do to keep us from ruining our witness as your followers. Teach us to guard our hearts. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Thomas Ives
You are absolutely right. I love and agree with everything you said. #TheocentricThursday
Tasia
Thanks Thomas!
Carrie Tripp
Tasia,
I’m dropping in to #TheocentricThursday participants this week and leaving links to who they are supposed to comment on this week to make sure everyone understands how it works. It works best for the hosts record-keeping if everyone clicks the links on the actual blog hop, but when it comes right down to it, we’re more concerned with everyone receiving at least two comments per week! So, as the first entry this week, you get the confusing posts to comment on.
They are:
#3 http://www.inlinkz.com/displayurl.php?id=23935446
and
#2 http://www.inlinkz.com/displayurl.php?id=23932839
Please let me know if you have any questions!
Blessings,
Carrie Ann Tripp
Tasia
Thanks Carrie Ann! I left comments on the posts above!
Andrea
Many people do not realize that marriage is hard work. I sure didn’t. But I agree with what you have said here: abiding in God is the key to working through any marital issue.
bataviasbest
Andrea, I really didn’t either. When I got married sadly I thought in the back of my mind if this doesn’t work than get a divorce because that is what the world has shown me. It was through deepening our relationship with Christ together and really our Bible study group for marriage that opened our eyes to what God has intended marriage to be!
Bonnie Lyn Smith
Your title really grabbed me…was curious where you were going with this. It’s so good to hear someone talk about this so honestly. Thanks for a great conversation on here.
KC
My first marriage ended for many a reasons that I won’t bore you with. I am now very happily married to a great man and am so grateful that I have him in my life. I am so glad to hear you have a wonderful marriage and a husband you won’t give up on and who won’t give up on you either.
bataviasbest
Thanks KC! I am sorry to hear your first marriage ended. But I am so glad to hear that you are happily married now! I have to say there are time I want to give up and I bet my husband does too and maybe even in the future we will have times where we really want to give up and I pray that we continue to value our marriage and love for each other!
Jennie Goutet
I was so confused by your title. 🙂
A friend of mine did an in-depth study on divorce since her non-Christian husband demanded it of her. They had married when they were both atheists and after many years together, he found he could not love her as a Christian. It was heart-breaking for her. Aside from marital infidelity (and the obvious fact that in her case, she was not the one who wished for the divorce), she found that the scriptures apply to marriages where both parties are believers. When one is not a believer, and continues to lack love towards his or her spouse, then the contract is no longer binding. She really needed to lean heavily on God’s word to get her through that period. Now one of her sons got baptised and the other is studying the Bible. 🙂
My husband and I are very blessed in our relationship. He travels all the time and I never have cause to doubt – neither does he doubt me. Neither of us would contemplate divorce for a second. But I have to say that the more years I am married (now, over 14), the more compassion I have on people who DO get divorced, who are otherwise forced to put up with a lack of love and respect in every way that I never have to face. I guess the phrase, “But for grace, there go I” rings true for me. I was saved from a few imprudent marriages before God found me my husband, and I am very, very grateful for the happy ending. I’m glad you have yours too. 🙂
bataviasbest
Yes I do agree and this is where it comes back to my dad always telling me “Do not marry someone who doesn’t believe in God.” But how vague a belief in God can be right? It really does apply to both couples who have a relationship with Jesus. When one is a non-believer it is extremely difficult. The same goes for a couple who doesn’t have a relationship with God at all. How can we hold them accountable to what the bible says? So glad to hear that you are happily married!
Oh and I moved this post over from my old blog, I am going to change that title after the girls are done with their bath tonight!!